Friendships, some people are lucky to even have one of them and I welcomed and valued the friendship you gave me. You are a friend of mine, an amazing one. Please don't ever think that you're less than that. I don't like dramas, I despise it. And somehow I tangled myself in one and dragged all of you along with me. For that, I'm truly sorry.
This. All this is a medium of mine to let some things out of my heart and mind. Thinking that perhaps, just maybe, it will help my messed up emotions and none of it is meant to hurt anyone. What is in this blog is only half the truth-not that I lied in any of the posts but some things are just too personal and I'm not one to share things that are too close to my heart. I don't have the guts to do it. Afraid that I'll be judged.
I think what happened is a huge misunderstanding and it is all my fault. Don't think that the guilt is yours to bare, it is all on me. I really don't deserve the privilege of calling you my friend. You deserve better, someone much greater to have as a friend than me. I'm too much of a mess. I know I should do this in person but I don't have the courage to do so. Please accept my apology, I really am sorry for what happened, for bringing us apart from the bond we once had, for hurting you.
The truth? I think I'm just afraid, I was being too close with all of you and in the past where all the promises of "I'll never leave you, we'll be friends forever and ever. I'll always be there, no matter what happened." that were never fulfilled just struck me. I retreated, thinking that this time if I don't get too close, maybe it won't hurt that much when you leave me. But then again, when was I ever right? In the middle of it all, I hurt you instead. You were nothing but nice to me and I messed it up for us.
I really am sorry for what happened. Please forgive me for it all.